The most powerful – ‘you’
If you’re wondering what exactly is ‘Emotional’ Coaching then let me ask you a few questions in order to explain it easily …
Do you want more Happiness in your daily Life then you currently experience?
Do you want more Confidence in yourself and your actions?
Do you want to feel Passionate about living instead of just feeling ‘okay’?
Do you want to Laugh more in your Life?
Do you want to stop feeling Depressed?
Do you want to stop getting Overwhelmed by events or experiences in your life?
Do you want to manage your Anger so you can control it?
Do you want to handle Disappointment better?
Some people feel nervous / shy in public and want to break out of that.
Some people have FEAR’S and Phobias of elevators, bridges, snakes, public speaking etc… and want to learn how to manage the situation so they are not out of control.
Some people have a FEAR of Rejection and it massively limits their actions in Business and or their personal Life.
If any of the above describes you, then this is what Emotional Coaching is.
It is working with a person on the Emotional part of themselves – to make the change desired – in the Emotional context. It is not a physical or an Intellectual context. It is not about your mind or your personality.
I grew up poor not just in the financial sense but in the Emotional sense too. However all the Successes I now have in my own life, has come from ‘me’ learning to manage and master my own Emotions early on.
For many years now I have Coached other people on their Emotional side to help them make the changes they seek too. The phrase Emotional Coaching is just my way of labelling and thus simplifying, the long list of Emotional based human experiences that you would already otherwise know as, FEAR’S, phobic responses, habits, addictions, good feelings, bad feelings, moods, emotions etc…it also encompasses human behaviours and the desire to change them as well. You can ignore my phrase if you like but I think by now you may be beginning to understand what it is I do, even if you label it differently. Let me continue to explain …
Emotions are the controlling force of your whole Life
Control them or be Controlled by them – unfortunately there is NO 3rd option here.
What does this mean? Think about it this way – Why are Emotions SO Powerful? …
Ever been in Love!?
Ever been Scared?
Ever been Nervous?
Ever had a full on belly laugh?
Ever been Overwhelmed either by a problem or with Joy?
Ever felt over-Confident?
Then you already know how much they affect you.
Compare those experiences above to just having singular thoughts in your head in any moment – we would like to believe that our intellect is what drives us but the reality is – that it IS our Emotions that rule. They control for the most part – our behaviours and thus actions. A thought to do something is not as strong as the ‘urge’ to do something, thinking yourself in to being calm whilst your Heart is beating like the clappers because your scared – is indicative of our Emotions being King.
You may intellectually know that a bridge or a red jumper or a walking in front of a crowd for example is nothing to be scared off yet, you will still uncontrollably react nervously when you are near a bridge, or you suddenly see a red jumper or you are asked to walk in front of the room of people.
FEAR’S and Phobia’s are extreme Emotional reactions to triggers that got set up for a whole host of possible reasons, but objectively the simplest and quickest way to break them is to re-wire the associations in the person’s neurology so the association of say the bridge changes to Calm, Balanced, Centred etc… ( states of resourcefulness ).
On a more day to day example that will help you to understand, someone who smokes cigarettes ‘knows’ ( intellectually ) they are very harmful to their Health and they really do want to stop but yet again, they find themselves ‘automatically’ / unable to stop ( control ) themselves reaching for a cigarette and putting it in their mouth whenever – they feel the states ( Emotions ) of boredom, stress, overwhelm, confusion, frustration, unhappiness or whatever the trigger is.
Why? because they are linked up Emotionally to the cigarette, not intellectually. So the change needs itself to be an Emotional intervention.
Just to give you an example of how this might work – talking to Jack about stopping smoking is an intellectual experience and it will likely do Jack sh*t ( pardon the pun ) however when I get Jack to hold in his physical hands a dead diseased toxic lung that was from a smoker and is black and smells putrefied – then Jack links up on an Emotional level a new association in his nervous system / Emotional side – to what a cigarette MEANS…. get it?!
Your Emotional links to the world / triggers around you ( sometimes called anchors in NLP ) are what control a large portion of our behaviours.
So if you want to change your behaviour short term, then using will power and positive thinking will do it, however, as you may know from bitter experience, you eventfully go back to the old behaviour – this is because your Emotional associations ( not intellectual ones ) have not changed.
Your Emotional conditioning does and will continue to affect you this moment and every moment till the day you die more than your intellect can does or will. It has been said, and I would have to agree, that Emotional Intelligence is the highest level of Intelligence there is.
Why else is Emotional Coaching useful?
The reason is because it is one of the most important areas in Life to master by far. Everything you want to achieve, create, be, have or do will come from – emanate from– and only from, this skill set.
Quite a statement to make but an accurate one. Outside of the above examples of ‘who may need Emotional Coaching’ even day to day living itself is fraught with obstacles and challenges, curve balls and stress, disasters and unfairness for most people.
Thus learning how to manage your state / Emotion at any given time, in any given situation is number 1 on the list of what will affect your Life the most, this day and at the end of where you have ended up. To be clear, addressing your Emotional well being is more important than Money, Relationships, Business, Career, even sometimes Health or any other area you care to mention as your Emotions will be the under pinning principle for all the above.
For example, your Emotions deeply effect your Health physically. Your immune system is controlled by the same portion of your brain that controls your Emotions! Or if creating additional income means you need to do a second job or you want to study the area of money, then either, will require that you manage your states / Emotions, especially when your feel tired or just don’t feel like following through.
If you can’t get yourself to follow through on the actions you need to take in any given situation then it is very likely that you will not achieve your outcomes. If, as another example you feel unhappy emotionally for whatever reason, and this creates problems in your personal relationship because you argue a lot then the quality of your Relationship is dependent deeply on ‘you’ managing your ‘Emotional’ state. The list goes on and on.
What to do if you feel you want to make an Emotional or Behavioural change
One option is to get in touch with a competent Coach who will be able to assist you in actually making that change objectively.
Alternatively you can try yourself to make the changes. This trial and error is not the best approach and it may be that you have already tried this strategy many times with little or no Success. Having said that, know that each and every time you attempt to break a habit, change your Emotional state Consciously or intervene in some way, that you are contributing to the changing of that particular X by weakening it. Thinking positive does have value in situations like this, it does have some effect albeit limited. Just like every time you repeat X you are in effect reinforcing its very existence, likewise every time you stop an automatic behaviour or Emotion – you are in effect weakening it.
What kind of changes can I help individuals with?
I Coach people who want to – break phobias, who want more confidence, who want to earn more money, who want to overcome limitations, who want to overcome fears, who want to succeed in business, who want more intimacy in their relationship, who want to improve their health, who want to permanently lose weight, who want to stop smoking, who want to feel more happiness day to day, who want to stop being shy or nervous, who want to change their career, who want to get over the loss of a loved one, who want emotional guidance and support, who want to change debilitating habits, who want to stop feeling depressed, who want to break an addiction, who is seeking fulfilment in Life but can’t find it and so on …
In essence – anyone in any capacity that is looking for a change in their Emotions or their Behaviours, or both, in any context within Life and they are maybe struggling to make that change, alone.
If you would like to speak to me personally to get the help you need, then please send me a message using the contact form and I will get back to you as soon as possible and in the Strictest of Confidence.
To a Better Quality of Life …