Providing Solutions to Your Problems
This page is an explanation of what Life Coaching ‘is’, ‘why’ it can help and ‘how’ it can help …
When I was younger people told me they worked in IT, and I had no clue what this was or meant, after inquiring I discovered it meant they worked in Information and Technology. Problem was I still had no clue what this was or meant!
So I appreciate that some people find the term Life Coaching extremely vague, I could write a 10,000 word dossier, but then you would not read it!
So, here is a brief overview as a middle ground, to help :
What is Life Coaching?
It’s forward thinking rather than backward looking, it’s proactive rather than reactive, it’s goal-oriented rather than directionless … it’s helping people to make Positive and Empowering changes to their Life – that they may be struggling to make alone.
Just like an electrician helps you when you have an electrical problem in your home, or your mechanic helps you with your car when it breaks down or a solicitor helps you when you have a legal problem or a gardener attends to the weeds and manages your garden.
These people all have one thing in common – they take all of your problems and provide a solution… and so a Life Coach is the same – helping you with problems you have in your Life that are based on and around feelings and behaviours.
Sometimes, some people people feel their ‘experience‘ of Life in a particular context, is something they are not happy with and they want to change it, sometimes very desperately. They may be in pain and are looking for a way out to something positive or at least neutral.
Or instead, some people simply wish to further ‘improve‘ an already decent area of their Life, either way both groups of people are looking for a change, a shift in their experience. This particular group are looking to move from the neutral or positive – to positive or more positive.
Both sets of people are looking for a linear change from the present – toward the future – that is geared toward the positive ( Empowerment ) and this is in simple terms what Life Coaching is all about.
However the challenge can be that they may not know ‘how‘ to do this and invariably they get stuck. This is where someone called a Life Coach could help you to make that shift. Read more …
In essence Life Coaching is made up of 2 parts, 1 is being a Coach and the other is Life …
A Coach is someone who, through their wisdom, experience, knowledge and expertise in a particular area ‘Coaches’ or mentors another who wishes to emulate a similar skill-set or Success, or, make changes in a particular area.
Life as you know is made up of individual contexts including, but not limited to, the physical, emotional, intellectual, financial, career, relationships and so forth.
So a Life Coach is someone who ‘Coaches’ another individual in a particular area of ‘Life’, to make Empowering improvements, in that area, such as losing weight and maintaining that weight loss, improving confidence and presentation, disabling FEAR’s and phobias, improving their health, increasing their financial income, better relations with loved ones, manage stress levels, overcoming ‘anything’ that holds them back etc…
I personally describe this as a achieving a ‘Better Quality of Life’ and, you will see me sign out of each page with this as I believe this captures the essence of what Life Coaching accomplishes for people.
Life Coaching is not positive thinking. It is not just telling you what to do. It is not random. It is not intrusive. It is not friendship and it is not relinquishing control.
Life Coaching IS supportive, it IS nudging, it IS guiding, it IS needling, it IS intervention, it IS strategy, it IS revealing, it IS empowering and it IS definitely Effective.
A Life Coach is also different from a therapist ( an individual who treats psychological problems ) in that a Coach works on a future tense, a therapist, traditionally, works on a past tense approach.
For example, if someone had a problem with their level of confidence, a therapist would be most interested in why this is the case and so would delve in to the past of the individual to abstract the answer. Their interest is in the why ( why it happened ).
A Coach by contrast is mostly concerned with the future of the individual, ie: your currently not confident enough, now ( present tense ), so how much confidence do you want to have ( future tense )? Then as a Coach allow me to lead you to that future point. A Coach is more interested in the what ( what needs to be changed ).
This is not to say Coaches are better than therapists because that is not true and would be a distorted statement. It is all subjective of course, I merely wanted to explain some main differences to help those that would ask this question. Both Coaches and therapists have value – in the appropriate context.
In short, an effective and competent Life Coach will find out where you are ( present tense ) in a particular area / context of Life and then find out where you want to be going forwards ( future tense ). The Coach will then, if competent enough, draw a line between that present and that future – and walk hand in hand with you across that line together – till you Successfully reach your desired outcome.
Why Life Coaching Can Benefit People?
Do you ever feel that your Life is going backwards in a particular area? Maybe it’s not going backwards, but maybe it is just going sideways instead!
Or do you ever feel that your just stagnant in a particular context of your Life? Maybe it is moving forwards, but you find this is only intermittent and intermixed with periods of sabotage / pull back!
Do any of these describe you?
Why then does this happen?
The reason is we all have within us 2 conflicting things :
On a Conscious level we all have desires, goals, dreams, wishes, hopes, wants, ideology’s etc…
… and on an Unconscious level we all have beliefs, values, rules, pain and pleasure associations and references. Basically software that is the ‘program’ by which we automatically follow routine, dictating almost all of our behaviours and feelings.
The challenge is that a lot of people find that their Conscious desires – do not match the Unconscious programming that takes them in a particular direction effortlessly each and every day.
Hence the problem.
Trying to make a change while there is this conflict is futile medium or long term.
It is easy to change short term because that is what, in part, you Conscious mind is there for and why we have free will. The ‘freedom’ to use our inherent ‘will’ to change virtually anything behaviour or emotion oriented is within our capability to do successfully for a short while ( only ).
Before your Unconscious notices somewhat significant ‘potential’ problems with the new direction you are temporarily going in, which conflicts with the present tense hard wire programming, thus steps in and you have suddenly, without wanting to, somehow ’given up’ or pulled back or directly sabotaged your efforts.
Your Unconscious is simply and effectively following its programming. Just so you know the Unconscious does not think per say subjectively. That is Conscious. Your Unconscious only thinks objectively, ie: if the new behaviour does not fit the programming – delete / reject it.
A competent Coach will be able to help you identify very clearly, what is it you desire, then, re-jig your Unconscious programming ( yes this can be changed! ) to reflect, align and comply with your desired goal.
Once this alignment takes place changes often occur at lighting like speed because every part of you is now working together NOT – in conflict, to reach a single objective outcome – your goal.
My personal approach is to Coach people to Un-lock their own potential to allow them to move forward ( not backward, sideways or stagnate ) in the direction of their desired outcome.
How Life Coaching Works
After searching for a suitable Coach, the ‘would be client‘ will meet and have an initial consultation with the Life Coach to ascertain whether the Coach can actually help them. The client will then officially hire the Coach they chose, and so the relationship begins …
A Coach will spend time with their client. These Coaching sessions will take place either in person or over the phone or over video as an example.
The session may be an hour long or longer depending on the variables, these sessions may then take place repeatedly over days weeks or months depending on the type of change the client is looking to make.
Sometimes a single session or just a couple is sufficient. For more difficult or complex changes, numerous sessions will be needed.
The sessions themselves cover the parameters of change – identifying what change is desired, knowing where they currently are in this context, knowing where it is they want to be and when by, and facilitating that shift through ‘Emotional‘ and ‘Behaviour‘ interventions.
Over time, the client improves that particular area of their Life that they initially came to the Life Coach to seek assistance with.
The Coaching relationship then ends or for some individuals, they retain the service of the Life Coach as a ‘keep on track’ approach, thus having less frequent Coaching sessions over time going forwards.
The Right Life Coach For You
Life Coaching can be an Intensive, Focused and Effective means to achieve a change – if – you have the right Coach…a competent Coach’s role is to discover what your goal / outcome / objective is in a particular context, then to hold your hand and walk you through the stages of change that would be required to get you from that A to that B, so to speak.
The right Coach – for you – is akin to the right employee working for you in your business as an analogy. People have to click, people have to trust, so your Coach must be able to ‘enter your world‘ and you must have a sense of certainty that they can and will be able to help you. Thus, you need to hit it off with the Coach form the start.
There must be Chemistry.
There can be no degree of dissociation between you and the Coach, as with the chicken crossing the road riddle you either cross – or you stay, any attempt to just try means you may get run over!
With that in mind, note that there are buckets full of so called Coaches out there that will not offer a no change – no fee arrangement.
Because they likely don’t have the experience themselves in their own lives and can’t run the risk of losing money because they can’t deliver. Nothing worse that hiring a Personal Trainer who is not is great shape themselves! Or a financial adviser who does not have financial security in their own Life!
A Coach must have a healthy amount of real life experience, not just in a class room setting and a paper certificate, or minimal experience in real Life and or Coaching.
Otherwise you will run the risk of only paying for the promise of change, not the actual change your thought you would get.
I personally would not hire a plumber to only attempt to fix a problem and still pay them for their time if they didn’t fix it, nor would I pay for a meal in a restaurant if they brought to the table a different meal to that which I ordered.
So it is true with Coaching I believe.
There are a lot of people out there in the world – even in the Life Coaching profession – who profess to having solutions to problems, yet are not able to manifest and demonstrate in their own Life, the advice that they ask others to pay for! I went for a different strategy early on in that, I myself would have to become an example – of the advice that I dished out.
Ensure the Coach you entrust has experience in the real world, and can show that proof to you.
Who Can Benefit From Life Coaching?
In short, whoever wants to …
Break phobias, who want more confidence, who want to earn more money, who want to overcome limitations, who want to overcome fears, who want more intimacy in their relationship, who want to improve their health, who want to permanently lose weight, who want to stop smoking, who want to feel more happiness day to day, who want to stop being shy or nervous, who want to change their career, who wants to improve their business, who wants to improve their personal performance in the business, who want to get over the loss of a loved one, who want emotional guidance and support, who want to change debilitating habits, who want to stop feeling depressed, who want to break an addiction, who is seeking fulfilment in Life but can’t find it and so on and so on …
In essence – anyone in any capacity that is looking for a change in their Emotions or their Behaviours, or both, in any context within Life and they are maybe struggling to make that change, alone.
Please know that all communication with me is in the Absolute Strictest of Confidence and Privacy should you wish to get in touch.
To a Better Quality of Life …