Ever had an argument with a friend? a lover? your spouse? your parent? Your boss?
Of course you have, silly question right!
Everyone has been in that position before where you start to converse with someone and somehow the communication goes awry and suddenly ends up in something akin to verbal boxing!
How did that happen?!
The culprit in almost every case is the boat called ‘communication’.
What do I mean by boat?
Think of a Relationship as what it is, a relation – ship. How one ship ‘relates’ to another ship on the ocean is through communication. Think of the water as the fabric through which the communications are delivered and heard. If 2 ships don’t communicate with each other, there is no Relationship. If the ships use the ocean / fabric in poor ways then there will be a relation-ship, but it will be a poor quality one.
The common denominator then of every Relationship, is communication. This is a subjective thing. What does that mean? It means the communication you make, can be and often will be interpreted.
The interpretation is a distortion and thus the person receiving communication from you interprets your communication as it is filtered through their own beliefs.
They are not so much responding to what you communicated, but rather, what they believe you communicated! Little distinction but makes a gargantuan difference.
Every Relationship is based on communication, whether with yourself or with another person. No matter what the scenario is and with whom it is, taking control of your own communications to yourself first is non-negotiable if you want better Relations, only then can you communicate effectively / better / to the person in the external world you are attempting to improve your Relationships – with.
If you are one ship and your lover or your parent or your friend or your children are the other ship, then if you don’t communicate with them, highly likely they will sail right on by and you will miss each other on the ocean / on real Life.
All communication is made up of 3 parts either singularly, but most often collectively. If you can learn to use better words, with a nicer tone you will definitely improve your communications to yourself and with anyone externally. I assure you. If you add in positive body language, then your Relationships will take on a new light. This all takes effort patience and persistence, but the return is immeasurable.
My years of experience in the Charity sector involved for example, 3 years direct work with the suicide help service – the Samaritans. Dealing with people who are calling to explain they are wanting to / in some cases about to / kill themselves which clearly is an extreme situation.
I cannot tell you the protocol the Samaritans use for obvious reasons but suffice to say, you are limited to communication with that person on the end of the phone only – even though in that persons mind, at that moment – they may believe, the problem is with ‘someone else’ outside themselves – thus causing / creating their suicide attempt.
It is only them ( selves ) I am able to deal with and thus, through experience you find out / out of necessity / very effective ways to talk, converse, ask questions etc…that produce behavioural changes in the individual despite the limitation presented.
My point is no matter what or with who a problem is / lies, communications to your self – your Relationship with yourself – first if not only – is the first line of action because you are 100% in control of that.
You cannot be in control of any external factor to any significant extent so why base your efforts there, that would be something to consider secondly once the communications with yourself have been improved or mastered.
To a Better Quality of Life